Baby, do I ever cross your mind atleast once? Don't you miss me atleast once.???

How could this happen? You were the sweetset guy..you were the best person I ever met..you said that you can't see anyone in pain then how can you give so much pain to someone who loves you more than her own life..

I wonder if you are a gajini.How could you forget all those beautiful moments, those endless conversations, those dreams of future which we saw together..

You were a liar & I was a fool who believed you.You are the one who broke my heart in to million pieces & it's only your name written on my every tear.

Idiot, you broke me so much.You took away that part of me with you which was my favorite.I hate you, I fucking hate you so very much..
For coming into my life, for making me love you, for making those promises which you knew you would never keep, for showing those dreams which you knew are never gonna come true...

I wish , I really wish that something hard hits my head so that I can forget my past, atleast in that way you would be out my mind & finally out of my mind too...!!!

River Of Red...!!!

I think back on the past
& a pearl of tear drops from my eyes

Every one keeps saying this pain is gonna end someday,
That I will get through this for sure..
But only I knew how hard it's for me to completely move on, to completely forget you
I wonder if such a day would ever come..

I no more miss you but I do miss us
& every time it happens I feel my heart getting heavier & heavier..

You were the best thing that ever happened to me
I would have gone to any extent, beared any pain only to make you stay with me..

But then one day you said that you hate me, which broke my broken heart even more..!!
You said that you regret all those times which you have spent with me..!!

Baby, I just wanted to see you happy
I didn't knew that you would hate my presence in your life to such an extent

I couldn't force myself to stop loving you neither can I force you to love me
The only way I found was to go away, go far away from you and your life

I just want you to be happy &
If your happiness is without me,
I promise you, I would go to far away place where even death can't find me
& if I find that place is a desert I promise you by the time you reach there,
I will turn it into a river of red.....!!!

# Just One Touch.

It's been 1 hour since Taara has been crying.It was the 5th time suraj rejected her call in that day

They have been in relationship since 3 years.The first year was like a fairy tale for Taara.Every thing was so beautiful.She felt like mumbai was the best place on this planer cz she found her first love in that city.

But after a year suraj had to move to Chennai for his job.Taara didn't wanted their relation to be long distance but then she had no choice.He moved things were going ok for 2-3 months as it was the starting if their long distance saga but then suraj got so immersed in his work that he rarely got time for Taara.The time they spent together reduced from hours to minutes..minutes to seconds and now he rarely talked to her.Taara knew that he loves her but proper communication is the only key for the success of any relationship.

She closed her eyes, she realised that her beautiful relationship was on the edge of the bridge which could break at any time.Random thoughts started conquering her troubled mind.She started assuming that suraj has lost interest in her.Started thinking That he might have found a better girl than her. All those thoughts scared her so much.

But then she can't let this happen. She can't let this beautiful relationship scatter like that.She remembered the last time they met it was 5 months ago.She remembered the last time they talked heartfully it was like 2-3 weeks ago.She was so scared but had faith in her love, in his love, in their love.

She stopped crying, went to her wardrobe and took out that dress which Suraj has gifted her on her last birthday.Then she applied parachute body lotion which would make her hands so smooth.She wore than white colour dress and remembered those words suraj told her the last time when she wore it.
"Baby you look like an angel In thus white dress"...those words were still echoing in her ears. She let her hair loose, the way suraj liked it and wore those matching heels.She looked at herself in the mirror and she knew she was looking her best.

Straight she went to airport where her friend RAHUL was waiting for her with tickets of the next flight for Chennai.The flight took off and in the next 5 hours she was in Chennai.The city which took away her boy from him.

She took a cab and went straight to Suraj's office.She talked to the Receptionist, the Receptionist asked Taara to wait for a few minutes and disappeared.

After 10minutes....

Suraj comes out of his office,as his receptionist had informed him that a girl has come to his office to meet him.He was wondering who might be that girl because he had no friends nor relatives in Chennai.His eyes were searching for that girl in the room where he was standing and suddenly he froze at the sight of 'his girl' in 'his dress'

Suraj: Baby, What a surprise.You didn't tell me that your coming to meet me.(about to hug her in excitement as he was seeing her after 5months)

Taara: (stopped him from hugging her)
hmmm, ummm, ahh...!!!!(you don't have time even to answer my call but your expecting to give you my updates)

Suraj:Taara, tell me.Is every thing alright? Why did you come here suddenly?
Taara: Ahhh, RAHUL said that I don't look good in this white dress which you gifted me.So I came over here to prove him wrong
Suraj:Your so naughty, tell me na what's the matter?
Taara: I told you na.That's the only reason and seems like my mobile isnt working because it doesn't show any notifications or calls from you, i was thinking i would change it.
(baby I'm so upset and hurt Cz of your behavior, but I didn't come here to argue with you, I really want my old suraj back)
Suraj: no matter what you are wearing, you always look the best.(I'm sorry Taara, I understood that you are upset because of my behavior, but trust me I really love you so much)
Taara:So, let's go.
Suraj: where?
Taara: To get a new mobile for me.
Suraj:But it's my working hours now.I can't come.We will go after 1-2 hours.
Taara:I'm giving you 5 minutes and if you won't come with me now. I promise you I would return this white dress to you forever and go for shopping with RAHUL.
Suraj:But baby, try to understand.
Taara:I don't wanna hear anything.Choice is yours.
Suraj: (I knew if I say No to you now, I would regret my decision forever)
I decide to ditch my office for today.
Taara: ufffff...
Suraj: Atleast now let me hug you please.

& then they hug each other tightly & whisper to each other in their ears
Suraj:Baby, I missed you a lot.
Taara: really?
Suraj:I'm sorry, I knew,I might have ignored your texts, rejected your calls but truth is I love you so very much.
Taara: hmmm.. Suraj: now tell me, will you go for shopping with RAHUL.
Taara: I was just kidding idiot, I'm all yours and you know it.
Suraj: Ohhh, I love you so much Taara.
Taara: love you too sweet heart.
& then their hug ends with a passionate kiss.

Sometimes,all you need is a single touch to bring back that lost magic in your relationship.We might be busy in our lives, but every time we see our loved once our heart skips it's beat and we can't stop ourselves from falling in love once again with the same person.

This post is written as a part of Indiblogger happy hours

Days, Times & You..!!!

Days have passed & times are changed
With those times even you have changed like a chameleon...

You were sweet but now your harsh
You were cute but now you are rude
You were the sweetest guy I ever met but nw I wonder where did that sweetness go?

Days have passed and times have changed
With those times even you have changed like a chameleon
You said I was different but now say I'm a duffer
You said I was pretty but now you say I'm bad

I never changed, I'm the same even today, that girl whom you met years ago

You are the one who changed
It's your love which is changed

I wonder if you had changed or were you like this all the time?

May be you were always like this, but I was so blind in your love, I failed to see the real you...!!!

Dhoz Random Thoughts..!!!

I don't knew
what it is which is going on inside me...!!!


Tears, many tears
not in my eyes but in my heart,
Are they tears or the pain which you gave me...!!!

You went away and now a part of my heart is missing
It should have become lighter, but I wonder why it feels so heavy?

There's a war going on in my mind all the time
thoughts of my past & thoughts of my future seems to be fighting every time,
Past is gone & future is yet to come,
I wonder what am I doing with my present..!!

Alone I feel, but I don't want any company
because I knew, no one would comfort me the way you can..!!

I look at my fingers & then remember you
Cz you said that you love them
& but I love them only when you are holding them.
But with no more you around me,I wonder what I would do with the gaps between them..!!

I don't admit, but truth is even today a part of me still wishes that 'you' were mine
Not that 'you' who parted with me
But that you for whom I fell 4 years ago..!!!

There is something going on in my mind all the time.Every time I try to figure it out but I fail.I keep searching for ways to stop my mind from thinking because every time it thinks it finds no one but only you.It thinks, thinks and keeps thinking only about you and sometimes I feel like to take a hammer and hit my head so hard, atleast then may be you would be out my mind.

I mean your out of my life.So you need to be out of my heart to.Inorder to take you out of my heart you need to be out of my mind but this bloody mind which never remembers anything related to my textbook, seems to remember even the minute details of you.To my wonder even today when I open my eyes in the morning the first thought I get is only of yours.Even if I fail to take you out of my heart I can manage, but taking you out of my mind has now became an impossible task for me.Sometimes, I wish I can become like 'Aamir Khan' in gaijinI atleast then my mind would have some rest..!

I wonder if the same happens with you too..ROFL..I wonder why my mind things about this kind of things which can never happen even in dreams.But es mind ka kya karu..
Someone said try meditation,I tried, but even when I meditate I think only about you.
Someone said keep yourself as busy as possible, I even tried it, but it didn't work.No matter how much I'm busy I still get thoughts of you.
This is really exhausting.Sometimes I keep remembering " I shouldn't think about you, I shouldn't think about you, I shouldn't think about you"..but I wonder remembering my mind that I shouldn't think about you is equal to thinking about you only

This is so exhausting yaar.I really want you out of mind.I just wanna find some way to stop thinking about you before my mind blasts.

Good, bad, love, hate, angry, sympathy, no matter what kind of thought it is, it's only related to you.
Sometimes I feel like instead of concentrating so much on you, if I had concentrated on my studies, I would surely have been topper of my class today.

Oh God, Please save me.
I'm not asking you to do miracles and make me forget him.I'm just asking you to give my mind some rest.

Please,Koi nahi tho ye ek help kardo na please please...!!

Lost In Your Love..♥

We many not be together today
but thoughts of you still make me feel your presence around me!!

Smiles,dhoz cute little smiles,
every time I remember it, I couldn't stop wondering what was so special about it which made me go so crazy for you!!

Moments,dhoz beautiful moments,
times spent with you were the beautiful moments of my life,
every moment spent with you was like a day spent in heaven...!!

Words,dhoz meaningless words
Words you talked rarely meant something, but every word you spoke would make me smile like an idiot..!!

looks,dhoz random looks
every time you looked at me,
you made me feel like no one could look at me the way you can.
I wonder if it was the magic of your eyes or your love.!!

Having you around me, would make me forget the world around me
May be because I saw my world in you..!!!

Don't blame me for falling for you so much,
Dhoz cute little smiles
Dhoz beautiful moments
Dhoz meaningless words
Dhoz random looks

are to be blamed
.

and even today I couldn't stop myself falling in love again and again only with you.!!

P.S: Miss you a lot 'J'

Me Or...????

So, tell me whom do you love more? Me or your dad?
Rahul asked priya..


PRIYA: HMM....coughs..hmmm..again coughs.(he want me to choose between 20 years love and 3 years love, cunning he is.!!)

RAHUL:Ohhh, your taking so much time.I knew you love your dad more than me (sounding upset)

PRIYA:(hmm..I love my dad but I don't want him to be upset)
Baby, I love you, your really my life.I have spent my 20years with my dad and you are the one with whom I wanna spend my rest of life(I hope he's pleased of my answer)

RAHUL:umm,I knew it madam..(Mann Mein patake phoot rahe hai,but I don't want to her to knew it)

PRIYA: Ufff,if you already knew it then why did you ask me, such a dramebaaz you are..!!
Now you tell me, whom do you love more.Me or your mom? (Ab aayega line pe mera hero,let me see how you answer it)

RAHUL:umm..hmmm...ahhh...(ye Mein kaha phas gaya)

PRIYA:Tell me sir, kya hua?

RAHUL:Baby, I love you more than my mom

PRIYA:Ohhh, come on stop kidding Rahul.I know about you.Please tell me the truth.

RAHUL:I'm serious dear.I really love you so much.

PRIYA:(little confused.I didn't expect this answer.Kya hua is idiot ko why did he answer my question in this way)...Ahhh..!!

RAHUL:Priya, your impossible I said I love you yet your confused and even if I say I love my mom you would have been confused.You girls ask questions only to hear those answers which want to hear.

PRIYA:Im sorry RAHUL.But I'm happy thank you thank you so much.

RAHUL:Ok, I have got some work.Il call u later.Tc.Bye

PRIYA: ok bye Tc.

PRIYA:(I'm still confused how did Rahul choose me over his Mom.I knew he loves his mom so much.How is this possible?)

Few minutes later....

PRIYA:hey,Kya hua?
you said you have some work, but you call me back so early.

RAHUL:Baby, Actually I'm sorry.

PRIYA: Sorry kyu? Kya hua?

RAHUL:I don't wanted to make you upset that's the reason I answered your question In that way.Even you knew I love my mom so much.I can't give her place to any one.Im sorry.

PRIYA:Ohhh Rahul, you are really a sweet heart.

RAHUL:Really???? (Sweet heart?? Me?? I thought you would shout at me for this)

PRIYA:Baby, I don't want to replace your mom's place in your life.I knew that if you knew how to love and respect your mom you will surely love and respect me too.

RAHUL:Ohhh, your so sweet.

PRIYA:Vo tho Mein hu...;-)

RAHUL:I love you so much baby..♡♥♡

PRIYA:Even I love you so much..♡♥♡ (Blush..blush...blush...)

Love can sometimes be so cute and childish(coochy-coochy types)...!!
(Conditions applied: Only if you have learnt the art of understanding each other...;-) )

Please Stop It..!!!

Oh my dear,

Can you please stop it for god's sake..???

Can you please stop controlling my mind?

Can you please stop making me emotional?

Can you please stop showing me random flash backs of him & me?

Can you please stop showing me day dreams?

Can you please stop making fool of myself?

Can you please stop those waterfall of tears in my eyes?

Can you please stop trusting every one?

Can you please stop forgiving even the one who don't deserve it?

Can please stop imagining that this world is so beautiful?

Can you please stop falling in love again and again with the same idiot?

I beg you, please stop it
Your responsibility is to pump blood to my body, so you better concentrate on it instead of interfering in my complicated life and making it even more difficult to live...!!!

With best regards
from your owner

To her bloody heart♥

Yes,I'm Changed..but Do U Know Why?

I'm changed,
Yes, I'm changed.

I'm no more that innocent girl Who believes others easily
Cz you taught me only to believe myself...

I'm no more that sweet girl Who talks sweetly
Cz you taught me that every time I talk sweet il get only rudeness in return...

I'm no more that idiot girl Who believes in promises
Cz you taught me that promises are made only to break them one day..

I'm no more than princess who dreams of fairy tales in real life
Cz you taught me that fairytales are just fake & the only man who can treat me like a princess is my dad...

I'm no more that sensitive girl who cries for small things
Cz you taught me that every time I cry some one will hurt me even more..

I'm no more that filmy girl who loves to watch bollywood movies
Cz you taught me that those kind of things can happen only In movies not in real life..

I'm no more that lovely girl who fell in love with love
Cz you taught me that love is just a slow poison

yes, I'm changed
But don't forget
It's only Cz of you I changed...!! P.S: Thank you so much for changing me, it's only Cz of you I realised how strong I am and what I actually deserve...!!

Confusion? Ya Happiness?

Days keep on passing yet no change in my confused mind? No answers for my questions?? Where am I going? Why am I going? Will I finally find happiness & peace? What if I won't? Will I become successful..successful ki spelling theek se nahi aathi & I'm dreaming of success.thanks to the dictionary mode mobiles provide I get all my spellings correct...

coming back to our topic.Can anyone please tell me answers to my questions.Mind ka deep fry hora hai but yet unable to analyse anything.I guess I need some proffesional guidance..!! Let's go in order?? Can some body tell me what is LIFE? Well, I asked one of my frnd and this what he told me

Then I thought he's my friend so obviously his knowledge would be as same as mine.I asked my sir and he said this

Once again I was super confused, decided to analyse it by myself.
My ab tak ka knowledge said that life has 2 parts...personal & proffesional. Personal..it's so complicated every one know it?
It first brings two strangers together and later makes them strangers once again.If it really wants them to be strangers finally, then why does it bring them close? professional Our studies start from nursery & continue upto graduation & sometimes even after graduation..But why?
Is 19years of education really
necessary to learn what is life? Well, in that case I'm in the 20th year yet unable to figure out??

Emotions?? Dreams?? Goals?? Love?? Expectations??kya hai ye sab? Where will we get that happiness we are searching and when??
Running, running we are always running behind something and sometimes we even run without knowing why we are running.If your running to catch the last train then that is ok..but please don't expect some one to help you get in train like that in DDLG.
I always get diverted easily.Chalo so I was talking about peace and happiness right? So where am I going to get these things? Is any shop keeper going to sell them to me? If at all he sells, at what price can I buy them? Or should I go to Himalayas and meditate like the sadu's to find peace and happiness.Well, I agree that life's complicated sometimes but itna be nahi ki you have to go to Himalayas and grow beards.

Happiness is simple.Happiness is always around us but we don't notice is.Happiness Is doing things heartfully.

Happiness is when you wake up in the morning and realise you got a text from a friend whom you had lost contact a long time ago.
happiness is when you tell your mom that she's the world's best cook and she says that your the world's best bacha!!
Happiness is when you gift something to your dad with your first salaryhaan..yaar jitni bar salary mile utni bar gift dena tho mushkil hai na!!
Happiness is taking a leave from your work, sitting on the sofa with a big piece of pizza in your and cool drinks on your table and watching your favorite movie on television
happiness is spending time with our grand parents, playing with a child, getting through a tough subject in an exam, hanging out with friends, helping someone,defeating that guy who had crush on our crush in a video game, listening to our favorite music and dancing like we dont care, reading our favorite book whole day lying on bed, picnic with family, late night group studies,midnight birthday celebrations, talk with a stranger on a journey and the most important one
Commenting on my blog posts(kidding guys)..well, i feel so happy when I see comments on my blog ...!!etc etc there are many more things which make us happy
ye sab hi tho hai happiness ke definitions..!!
"Even amitji said this do lafzo ki hai ye zindagaani & hrithik ji also said zindagi dho pal ki" Then why wait for chances create your own chances.Life isn't yesterday or tomorrow it's right now, this moment..!!


So guys, stop complaining and start living.After all we have only one life.Heart breaks, lessons, love, family, friends, dreams, goals, etc jo be hai we Get to see only in this one life.

Never forget what our priya Vidya balan ji had said in the dirty picture "jab bagwaan ne zindagi ek di hai tho phir soch na kyu do baar".I'm not advising to take your important decisions without thinking twice but yaar there are many little things around us that give us happiness.

SO guys, take risks, forgive your enemies, forget your worries, love everyone, spread smiles and live your life in such a way that every one starts wishing their own lives to be like yours...!!!

a lonely soul's story...

He's gone & would never return..
 Even she knew it,,
 but there's something that stops her for accepting it..!!

 She thinks about those days when they had a fight and just a sorry would break all the silence.But now things are different,even a million sorries can't repair the pain they have given to each other.

She thinks, thinks & thinks  why & where did every thing go so wrong that today they were like the 2 shores of a sea, which belonged to the same sea but can nva be together.


 She seems to be confused all the time,

There are times when she feels she can move on &
 Then there are times she feels living a single day without him is like a big challenge to her

There are times when she thinks she will fall in love once again &
Then there are times she falls in love again & again only with him.. There are times when she feels she can forget him & Then there are times she feels what would she do, where would she go, if he's still in her mind & heart.. Then... She hears, hears and then drowns herself in music.For she thinks music is the only thing which comforts her next to him.
She listens to "Katy Perry's 'in another life"...an old lady crying remembering those 20's days when she was with her love, and how every thing ended.. she wonders that might be her future too..
She listens to "thinking of you" how a girl looses her love and marries some other guy.singing."cz when I'm with him, I'm thinking of you"..she wonders even this could be herself in future..
She listens to Taylor swift's 'sad, beautiful, tragic,...& remembers that even 'she had a beautiful, magic love affair,, a beautiful tragic love affair'
She always tries to keep herself busy because she's scared if she pauses even for a moment, his thoughts would kill her But all her plans go vain, his thoughts haunts her no matter she's busy or doing nothing..
She cries, cries and cries at the top of her voice not knowing that he could never hear, wondering how could a single person's absence make herself feel terrible to such an extent..
The only way she comforts herself is by closing her eyes, by going to bed, a place where her mind goes to a temporary coma and no more shows flashbacks of him or them,, She wishes to go into a permanent coma one day to end this pain forever...
It's like she can neither live without him nor live with him & may be that's the reason she chooses to wander on empty roads like a Lonely Soul..!!!

Smiles & Happiness...!!

 Smiling girl they used to call me,
 Always happy they used to think about me,,

 Yes, I used to smile & I used to be happy,,,
 Fools they were who tried to copy me but failed....

 They had no idea about the reason for my smile,
 They had no idea about the reason behind my happiness...

 I had something which they don't have,,
I had something which they can never have...


 I smiled because I had you,,
I was happy because you were all mine..

 Then some day you went away,
With you went away my smiles, happiness and the reasons behind them...


 & nw I no more remember what is 'smile' and what is 'happiness'...!!!

without realizing...!!!

I wonder why she loves him so much without realising that it's only endless pain which she Gets in return..
I wonder why she misses him so much without realising that he's no more the 'old him' whom she fell for..
I wonder why she still wishes that he belonged to her without reaising that he can never be her love once again...
I wonder why she still goes crazy for his smile  without realising that he had stolen all her smiles..
I wonder why she stillwanna hear his voice without realising that she would end up in tears if she  hears his voice...
I wonder why she wants himto come back without realising that she was the one who ended this painful relation...
I wonder why she let him stole her heart without realisingthat some day if he walks away he wont be returning it to her...
I wonder why she thinks that she cant move on without realising that he had already moved on....
I wonder why she let her heart and mind fall so much for him without realising that someday he would hurt her from his heart and remove her from his mind...
I wonder why she still wishes to see him one last time may be because its been 4 months since she last saw him and she's scared of the thought that she can never see him againatleast once in her life....

& finally i wonder why she says that she hates 'love' so much without realizing that she still loves him like an idiot..!!!

To a writer...

I don't knew why but I have this weird feeling that 'writers are the only best humans alive on this planet', I have dz feeling from a long time.In my view a writer can be any one,the one who writes lyrics of a song or the one who writes stories.I believe Writer is the one who knew the art of playing with words.I jz wana dedicate something to all of those writers, the one whose writings I have read and the one whom I have to read...to every 1 ..dz z jz a small token of love for u all....hope u accept it...;-)
  You write what i love, or should i say its the magic of your words which made me fall in love with what you write...
  you write lyrics of songs which touch my heart...
  You write reviews which  introduce new books & movies to me..
  You write love stories which have been my secret fantasies..
  You write humour which make me laugh..
  You write quotes which describe what is life in a single line..
  You write motivating books and articles which always inspire me..
  You write blogs which help me learn new things,make new friends & which are my only company during my loneliness..
  You write news which help me stay connected to this world...
  You write information books which have all the information at one place so that I don't need to waste my time searching for different topics in different places...
You wrote history which made me know about the olden days, olden culture
You wrote vedas which taught me what is life..
you wrote bible,quran,ramayana which taught me the greatness of god...
You write fiction which always keeps me entertained...
You write, you write and you write....!!!
 
many more things I wanna say, but even this post won't be enough I guess..
  U writers think you write, but you actually rule...!!
  You run this world, without you this world can't run a single day.!!
B proud to be a writer & keep writing..you people have a very special place not only In my heart but in the hearts of Many other readers like me..!!!!

Perfect title

Hello guys,, I knew I have been changing my bog title from the day I started writing.Well, I was in search of the perfect title and today I have got it.As you knew my last title was 'dhoz random thoughts' I felt like my blog is much more than dhoz random thoughts, it's about my life Vch I write here.and that's the reason I changed it to 'life of a Lonely soul',,, lonely soul because in this journey of life many people promised me that they would never leave me alone but finally I'm here lonely though I have many friends.I promise you all this one is the last and I would never change it again.I knew you are those people who don't promise to leave me alone but make sure I'm nt feeling alone by staying connected to me through my blog.
Well, even I'm nt perfect guys.People hurted me even I hurted people.But today life has taught me it's actually meaning.I just wanna share every thing with you so that you don't make the mistakes I did..Give me a little portion of your life(your time, by staying connected to me through my blog) I promise you I'll keep you in my heart forever..                
                 With lots of love
                      Pari ♥♥♥

Her story..!!

She looked into mirror
  Traces of makeup, dried lips, kohl spread around her teary eyes, undone & messy hair was all she could see..

She looked around her room
  A big teddy bear, few love letters, a ring, photos of him & her when they were together, dried red roses were all she could see,they were the presents he gave her when they were together...

She closed her eyes
  A boy and girl holding hands, smiling, cracking jokes, laughing, seeing dreams was all she could see.She realised that the girl was herself and the boy was him...

She opened her eyes
 She could see
 A girl with scars on her hands,
A girl whom every one hurted & changed her to a girl who hurts others,,
A girl to whom every one lied and changed her to a liar,,
A girl whose dreams were shattered and then she learnt to destroy others dreams,,
A girl whose heart was broken and finally she learnt the art of breaking others heart,,
A girl who was 'a good girl' once upon a time but finally was changed to a 'bitch',,
A girl who was smiling on outside but was dying inside,,
A girl who was lost and was waiting for him to come and find her,,    before she closes her eyes forever...!!!
    

Shattered dreams..!!

I saw dreams, dreams of you, dreams of us...♥

Every time I saw a couple,I was sad, Sad that being in so much love with each other we never get to hang out like them because you stay miles away from me,,,
  Then I dreamed that someday we would stay together in our home ♥♥

Every time It rained I felt like to run to you, hold your hands and walk with you in the rain but you were miles away from me,,
Then I dreamed that someday we will be walking in that beautiful rain when all other people will be under their umbrellas♥♥♥

Every night I went to bed, I wanted you to be beside me,wanted to hold your hands and talk to you the whole night instead of sleeping but we were on different beds and in different cities,,
Then I dreamed that someday we would be on the same bed and have endless conversations holding hands♥♥♥

Every year when it was your birthday, my birthday I wanted to celebrate it, cut the cake with you but you were miles away from me,,
Then I dreamed that someday we would cut our cake together and celebrate our love♥♥♥

Everytime you were sick, I wanted to take you to the doctor by myself and take Care of you but you were miles away from me,,,
  Then I dreamed that someday I would be with and make sure you never get sick ♥♥♥

Everytime I thought of you, I felt like to see you but you were miles away from me all I could do was to to look at your photos and talk to them,,
  Then I dreamed that someday when I miss you all I have to is dial your number and I could see you in minutes♥♥♥

The distance was never a trouble for me, because I believed my love was true, our love was true,
I believed that if not today someday all my dreams would turn to reality for sure,,

I didnt realise how idiot i was, i never thought that some day life would throw us on different paths.now that you have choosen another path, the distance between us has further became even more and I have realised the reality that 'all my dreams are gonna be only dreams, shattered dreams'

How could...????

How could we change to you and me??
How could our dreams change to your dreams and my dreams?
How could our life change to your life and my life??
How could our world change to your world and my world?
How could our problems change to your problems and my problems?
How could two people who were in love change to two strangers who knew everything about each other?
How could every thing change so much??
How could...???
       How could..???
            How could..??

So many questions...but no  answers for any one..!!

There are 3 things in world which have no guarantee..
Life, China mobiles and the most temporary one 'LOVE'.

Someone said 'Dont fall in love, fall from a bridge it hurts less,,, I wish I had known this earlier..!!

& nw that I have already fallen,,, all I have is 'broken promises,haunting memories & endless pain'

My real world..!!

I act like I no more care,,,
   But u have no idea hw mad I go thinking about you,,,

I act like I don't mind when you say we are just friends,,,
  But u have no idea about the pain i feel when i accept it...

I act like I no more remember those beautiful moments we spent together,,
  But you have no idea how much I miss them....

I act like I'm not worried about tomorrow,,
But you have no idea how much the thought of seeing you with some one else scares me...

I act like I'm no more interested in you,,
  But you have no idea that without you In my life I'm not interested in life itself...

I act like I'm so strong,,
But you have no idea to what extent my world is falling apart...

I act like I have everything,,,
But you have no idea that without you everything is meaningless....

I act like I'm living life,,,
  But you have no idea that my life as already left me...

I act like I'm so happy,,,
But you have no idea that behind this smile is a world full of pain...

Studies, exams and gajini..!!

I have lots of spare time and the best way to spend this time is to turn my thoughts in to words...wow kya line banaya hai Maine'thoughts to words'..actually this is the time I should be preparing for my gate exam or semester exams but I have always been that kind of person who dials the number of class topper the day before the exam to know the important topics. So in that case expecting me to prepare for a exam which is going to be held after 3 months is like expecting rakhi sawant to tie a rakhi to baba ramdev...!!!

Well, it's the final year of my engineering in the electricity department and seems like all I have learnt during this 3 years is just 'definitions of motor, generator and transformer' but wait I don't have any supple's left behind.I can't get through all those exams with this 3 definitions.Yeah, now I remember I'm a big fan of the film 'GAJINI' and that is the only reason every semester 'I study, I write exam and then I forget'..and I guess this been the same since my childhood.yeah, I know I'm expert In maintaining consistency.

Well, till now I have never understood the actual funda of this exams.All I knew is to study some of the important topics and then write whatever you remember.I consider practical exams are much better than this theoretical exams.Seems like I'm planning to join our 'district education office' ithna bada lecture  derahi hu exams par...!!

Par seriously yaar, when I attempted IIT entrance after my +2 I was supposed to study the portion of 2 years for 3 subjects...and now for gate I need to study the portion of 4years with multiple subjects, i dont even know the exact number of subjects that have to be studied(point to be noted aptitude and reasoning also included)...for some person for whom the top floor of body is full of song lyrics expecting reasoning is like expecting a KG child to understand trigonometry...!!! But even I don't have another option, dad warned me that if I don't get through this Gate kind of stuff he will start a deal with all 'matrimony.coms' for the search of his 'best son-in-law'..I can't understand how my dad never stops expecting things from me. Even if I don't manage to get through GATE he expects that I could manage an 'unknown guy' from another planet(any one who's outside our family is reffered as he's from another planet except my 'MR.J',  our families are friends but that idiot he's so intrested in 'we are just friends' kind of fundas).I literally cant take my own water in my mom and if by ekta kapoor's grace I get a SaaS like the one's which she shows in her balaji telefilms then my life would surely turn like 'man v/s wild' on discovery channel.UFF, isse acha hai that I try my luck in gate(some one told me it can be attempted thrice)..well I guess atleast the third time I would get through it...'maata rani ki jai ho, fingers crossed'..

Sitting in my room Im writing this post through my blogger app.head set plugged in my ears listening to 'kambakth ishq hai jo' song.yea, i knew its very old song but last night i saw this song in my dream.even in my dream weird things happen.So,the next moment i opened my eyes in the morning i downloaded this song and have been humming it not in a 'koyal's voice but for sure in a 'crow's voice' who has just turned fair by applying fair and lovely like yami gautam.
well,coming back to that blogger app,we do have a 'PC' but it's in our drawing room and if my dad notices me writing something in paragraphs he would surely mistake it to be a love letter which I'm writing for his future son-in-law which would lead to a world war-3 and I don't want the next generation to scold our family by adding an extra chapter the 'world war-3' to their history text books so i better sit in my bed room on my study chair with a 'power electronics text book' and write this post so that if suddenly my bro enters my room to tell me something about his first crush I can act as if I'm studying seriously. I don't want him to think that his elder sister is on the Mobile all the time instead of studying.(I remember my dad told me bache vahi karthe hai jo vo dekthe hai) and my dad can't bear to super personalities under a single roof.So for nw me alone is enough.

But,Keeping this all aside if I find That guy who invented exams I swear on Ranbir kapoor(he's my favorite) I'm gonna throw him in a room wIth 4 Big LCD'S on 4 sides of the walls playing 'HUMSHAKALS' movie.i wonder if that guy would be from india and even if he's not no issues,I'm quite sure even a firangi would Hang to the ceiling fan if he watches that movie...!!

Logging out for nw...stay in touch..keep ;-)ng guys...!!!

Allahwaariyah....!!!

Was playing temple run on my Samsung duos today and I heard something like...'apne roote, paraye roote'....well, it was my mom sitting infront of our LCD vd teary eyes...'Allahwaariyah' from 'yaariyan' was the song playing on tv...this song made me pause the temple run and even I joined my mom..I have no idea what magic this songs have.But on hearing to this kind of music i become senti and that was the only reason behind my today's morning post. I remember I had written something like 'jungle of my life' I don't know hw I got this thought to compare my life with jungle.May be on seeing that bearded hero in that song(well, I don't even have any idea what is name is) I ended up writing such kind of stuff ...apologizes if any one had mistaken that I belonged to animal planet after reading that post. Even I'm an human being like u all. I wish some one could discover some kind of pills which could control our emotions.

Then I hear my phone ringing,,, 'I would catcha Grande for ya'...my ringtone.don't mistake its the female version of Bruno mars's original..call from an unknown number and I pick it up hoping some one had dialled a wrong number and I would irritate them but then I could hear a strong authoritative voice....I guess I have heard this voice earlier...oh shit!!she was our HOD'Head of department'..she might be in college at this time then wth did she dial my number..(I wonder she might have missed her husband in college and instead of dialling his number she dialled mine)..our conversation went like this.

HOD: why aren't you attending classes these days
Me:actually mam.I'm preparing for gate
HOD:oh really, I know very well about you.Il be coming to your class tomorrow and I want you to be present in the class at that time
ME: OK MAM and I hang up the phone...

This really sucks.I have been accompanying my mom watching those SaaS bahu serials daily and if I go to college unka kya hoga??? Well, tomorrow I have to go to college if not next time instead of dialling my number she would dial my dad's number.well, while filling the college form I wrote my number and in the place where my dad's number has to be written I wrote my friends number.cunning Im I know it.so I need to inform my friend that he might be getting a call from our HOD at any time regarding my excellent performance at college so that he practices imitating my dad's voice.

Later when I'm having a girl massaging my face at the parlour i again get a call.diwali time hai yaar i need to look good;-).I can't take my mobile so she helps me out and then I realise it's a call from 'MR.J'...it's my girl time yaar now so I cut the call in 2minutes saying Il talk to him later.again I get a text from him in the evening asking me my bro's opinion about their yesterday's pooja.well, if you had read my last post you would have known that yesterday there was some pooja at his place but I didn't go.we chat for some time on what's app later he end  up telling me some interesting stuff about my bro's first crush.seems like my bro is much comfortable with him than his own sister.he could have told me about his crush I would have surely helped him after all I'm an expert in such things..

Well,I saw something scary now while writing this post.I just noticed my dad is staring at me continuously.Seems like those bollywood movies have even effected him like me .I guess something is going on In his head.He might be thinking that I'm chating with my secret boyfriend.I wish my life was that much masaledaar yaar..need to go now before my dad comes and snatches my mobile to confirm his doubt of my secret boyfriend....:-P;-)

Gn guys,,,Keep In touch...!!!

Jungle of my life...!!!

I was wandering in this jungle of life,watering those tress called happiness,playing with those birds who were my only friends,,,
Then someday you entered my jungle and found me...

You watered my trees and the happiness doubled,, you even made me forget my only friends..

As the days passed something was changing,,
The jungle was mine but I realised that the tress and land were no more mine...

Even i was watering the same water,, but they would grow only if you water them...

I was careless, I didn't care,,, what mattered to me was the greenery but not the reason behind it...

My eyes were closed and all I could see was only you and me,
When I opened them I couldn't believe what I saw,,
I saw the leaves where falling of my trees, there was no more greenery around Me..

I tried to water those dying trees,, then I remembered they would grow only if you watered them...

I searched the whole jungle I couldn't find you,, where did you go and why did you go..
Then I remembered my only friends whom you made me forget, I realised it was too late even they have gone because of my ignorance...

I was alone and the jungle was vast, I was helpless I couldn't do anything, all I could do was to watch my whole jungle drying out infront of my eyes...

I screamed for help, but it was no use,,
I couldn't find anyone neither you nor my friends...

Then I saw something shining in my jungle, I went running hoping you were back,,
I kept on running but I couldn't reach it...

Finally I found it at the end of my jungle,
It wasnt you but it was something new which I had never seen before..

It was the outer world called sun showering its rays on me,,I was scared I had never seen brightness like this..

I couldn't bare the brightness it burned me completely,
There I was lying at the end of my jungle..

It was no more the old me,I turned to black and lifeless,,
Oh I realised I was turned in to ashes....

Even my body has left me, but I'm still alive,,
My soul is still wandering through those dried tress...

Still waiting for you....♥♥♥

Long distance...!!!

A girl and a boy fall in love vd each other...see dreams together and then something comes in between their dreams...THE DISTANCE..one among them has to shift to another place, it may be another city, state or sometimes even country...then there comes a new drama between  both of them 'Long distance relationship...LDR'.

  These days because of our jobs and studies we stay away from our loved once. Even I was among them. All my friends warned me that this kind of LDR is never going to work out.But may be I was trying to be newton, may be I was trying to propose my own theories like him..I wanted to prove they were wrong, but finally I realised that I was the only idiot who was wrong...even our relationship didn't work out. love guru says "Trust, loyalty, respect and communication" are the key to any successful relationship. The fourth one was missing in our relation which destroyed all those other 3 mantras which were perfectly existing in our relation and finally...our relation ended..!!!

But seriously guys let me tell  you one thing..,, LDRS are always beautiful. You spent months thinking about those few moments which you spent together.Spend days counting to see each other next time.Miss each other every time you see a couple together.Its stronger than those relationship in which people get to see each other daily because here every thing depends on trust And finally when the day comes when you can see each other that excitement , that feeling it can't be explained here. It can only be understood by experiencing it.

Long distance or no distance whatever it is..love is always beautiful when it's true.
But with my own experience I'm telling you this..the four mantras which I mentioned earlier they are only things needed for any relation to be successful and even if any one among them I'd missing the relationship chapter will be coming to the end very soon....

So as I'm a girl I couLD advice you what a girl wants. A girl want her boy to respect her, trust her and be loyal to her and last but not the least she needs his time. Grow up guys if you really love her spending some time from 24hours is really not a big deal...!!!

All those people who are going through tough phase in their relationship but still wanna make it work, you people are really lucky that you are still together, you are still together because you are still In love guys. Don't take chance work on it and I'm sure those old times will come back for sure..!!
ALL THE VERY BEST ....!!

The cloudy disaster...!!!

A lil of my photography skills...!!!

Clouds in the sky yet no life for these trees....!!!

Fix this heart

Sitting alone I think about u, I think about us..
All those moments which we spent together, all those dreams which we dreamnt together,,
Do they mean nothing to you today..??
   Tears have been my only friends and loneliness has been my only company..
Nva did I imagine that life  without you would be so much hard for me....
    I thought you were like the sky who will always be with me no matter what happens,
But you came like the rain and went away....
    I cry loud at the peak of my voice, hoping you would hear and come back to me though I knew that your miles away from me and can never hear me..
    I thought you were my prince charming and we would write our fairytale,, I dint knew that one day you would go away and leave our fairytale incomplete...
    Without you every new day is a challenge for me, I wonder how would I spend my whole life alone without you...
    Too much sorrow and too Many tears so hard to bear for this little heart...
    Little heart I say and I look at it, but its nt in its place, where did it go..?
    Then I remember u stole it one day saying you would take care of it, but you were a liar and I was a fool to believe you,,
You broke it and gave it back to me...
    So hard to live with this broken heart please come back to Me and fix it before it takes its last breathe...!!!

   
   

The 3 mistakes of my life

"Mistakes"....well can any one here tell me the actual meaning of this word..
What does committing mistake actually mean??
Does it mean...breaking rules??
Or does it mean breaking hearts♡♥♡??

Well...my definition of mistakes z "breaking our inner soul"..
Lemme explain..every time we wanna experiment something new we question ourself 'shall I go ahead or shall I quit...is this good or bad?'..in such a case our inner voice responds to our questions .if it's good it's all ok. But in some cases the answer might be 'bad'..our inner soul warns us that if we continue what we want it may harm or hurt any one or you may end up hurting yourself.
Consider an example.sometimes we humans act selfish.we end up doing some things which we are not supposed to do.with our whole knowledge we knew that doing something like that is wrong but still we end up in such a mess. All this happens only because we ignore the warning of our inner soul...that is the reason I said "commiting a mistake is breaking our inner soul"

As every thing in our lives have its own negatives & positives. Even mistakes have two sides.a bad side and a good side.
Bad side as we all knew committing a mistAke we have to suffer its consequences sooner or later...
But the good side is we get a second chance.mistakes help us humans to become better persons.
As some one said"reaction to the mistake is more important than the mistake we do"..we should move on in our live by forgiving ourself but not by forgetting what our deeds have taught us.

Even I have done mistakes. Or should I say many mistakes. And the worst part is I have taken the help of lies to cover those mistakes and then one day every thing became mess. I got struck I had no option except saying the thruth. People were hurted, trusts were broken, and what was I doing at that time...as expected I ended up feeling guilty..and at that time I questioned myself..why did I do all this? My parents had always taught me what is right What is wrong..I knew every thing then why did I choose the wrong path. Well, I had no answer for my questions at that time. But today I knew the answers.
'Without those mistakes I would have never been what Im today"
It's only the results of those mistakes which helped me become a better person today.

When the first time I read chetan sirs novel "3 mistakes of my life" I never thought that one day I could relate it to my life . Lol..:-P
Well..I wanna confess here...it would make me feel a little better.they are the 3 important persons in my life and im that idiot who hurted the only persons without whom I can't even imagine my life
My dad...my mom and he...
*when I was in my 12th std I did some things which hurted my dad a lot. I apologized, he forgived me and things were ok.
*1 year back I hurted my mom...I didn't apologize but as you all knew..maa tho maa hothI hai..she forgiven me.
I try many times to apologize to my mom, but u dunno what it is which stops me from doing it.I jz hope some day I might do it
In the first to cases they were my parents so it's obvious..no matter what their children do parents forgive.I didn't learn much from those two mistakes. I guess that is the reason god blasted a damaka in my life.
*I ended up hurting him the love of my life.but this time it wasnt my dad or mom to forgive me easily.it was him.i apologized to him so many times, so many arguments, so many issues and then today he had forgiven me but not completely.But as we knew leave everything to time.even im doing the same.I didn't do anything deliberately but chota mistake or bada mistake..mistakes are mistakes.
And when we realize that some one is hurt some one is harmed and we are the reason for their sorrow that is when we experience a new feeling in our life 'Guilt'
    As some one said 'love is the beautiful feeling one can experience,,, in the same way the worst feeling any one can experience in their life is guilt'
It's so dangerous that it can kill anyone...we get struck. We start loosing our self confidence, self rescept, start doubting ourself if we have to be named As bad person. but I just thank god that I got over that feeling. The most important thing is I learned how to forgive myself, how to make better decisions in our lives because as abhishek bachan Ji said that an idea can change your life i have learned that A single decision can also change or effect your whole life.

These 3 mistakes have thought me many things importance of patience,trust, hope etc.
Through this post I just wanna tell you guys that mistakes are a part of our life. Learn to learn something from them and forgive yourself and move on...and
Last but not the least don't ever forget...

"Mistakes are done by all, but only fools repeat them again and again".....we are not fools dear..

Note: image taken from Google images cover page of chetan sir's novel '3 mistakes of my life'

First love..♥♥♥

I was happy with my life.I had best buddies, a sweet family and every thing a person needed in their life to be happy..

    But then he came in to my life♥...
He gave a new meaning to the definition of happiness in my life..♥

Suddenly,, I started seeing every thing in a new way....may b it was cz I fell in love with his ways...♥

I was always a tomboy..but suddenly I started spending my time infront of mirror..started looking cute only for him,,may b it was cz I fell in love with the way he looked at me...♥

I was always a bulakkad,, but suddenly my memory became so sharp..may be because I loved to remember every small thing we shared..♥

I was always in love vd sleep.but suddenly late night chats and calls were only thing I did every night...may be cz his words had some magic on me..♥

I always liked white colour..but suddenly I realised there many other colours....may be cz he filled colours to my colour less life..♥

I always loved to hang out with friends for a while...but suddenly I started feeling to hang out with him for my whole life...may be cz having him next to me became my only happiness..♥

I was always never interested in biology....but suddenly I started to Google about "heart"...may be cz every time I saw him my heart would start racing as fast as a cheetah.♥lol..;-)

"His love was were I was falling ♥♥& I din wanted him to catch me"

All those love songs and bollywood movies never made sense to me..but suddenly I started feeling like "pehla nasha pehla ...naya pyaar hai naya intezaar,, lol:-P
& finally
"I was lost in love,,, his love♥♥♥"

"Unspoken feelings"

We talk sometimes to knew about what is going on each other's life...
And u end up asking me if I have met any one....
And at that moment I wish that I could tell u that..

its only you for whom my heart beats even today
   It's only you whom I see in my dreams
It's only you who is the reason behind my tears
It's only in your arms I feel complete
  It's only you with whom I wanna spend my whole life..

   But I jz end our conversation saying "me and love are like poles..we can never stay together even if I want to".....hoping that you could understand that I'm still not over you...still waiting for u to come back..
  

An unexpected twist

This post is a part of write over weekend an initiative for Indian bloggers By Blogadda

He was mine & I belonged only to him,
We were crazily in love with each other...

Our mobiles were busy all the time,
No one dared to disturb us any time..

We saw dreams,, dreams of our future,
Promised to be together till our last breaths...

Never in my worst nightmare, I did imagine myself without him,
But destiny has written something else..
  The day came when we became the strangers who knew every thing about each other...

But as some one said "when something goes wrong in your life,, just yell 'PLOT TWIST' and move on

I kept moving on with many experiences..some of which are sweet and some of which are bitter..after all life is all about ' ups and downs'..'twists and turns'
 

Everything is changed...!!!

     She was a smiling girl
& he changed her to a girl who fakes her smile
    She was a dreamer
& he taught her not to dream again      
     She fell in love with love
& he made her regret falling in love
   She thought fairytales come true
& he proved her they are jus  stories
  She thought people come into our lives
  & He made her realize people come Only to leave us alone one day
    She thought life is beautiful
 & he showed her that life is full of errors,mistakes and regrets   ...!!!

DeFnItIoN oF lOvE

"LOVE"....four letters... one word.. yet so many emotions.

     Through out our whole life every one experiences it for sure...Each individual has his own definitions of love.well,this definition usually reflects our patner.Even I have my own definition.

"My definition of love is "the conversations which we have "

May be this is because I and 'J' were good friends but I never felt any such kind of feeling for him. After some days i  had to shift  to other city for my studies.. which led to 'J' and me talking on phone with each other.  when I used to hang out with this guy earlier every thing was normal but these conversations on phone,texting each other through out the day I guess all these played some magic on me and I fell in love with his words.. his conversations... his voice..and finally him. I knew some day we  won't be looking the same like we are now  ,we  might have wrinkels, we  might even loose some of our teeth,we might even loose our interest in sex,yet we can let our life go on with our conversations .

    I was in love with my mobile,internet,whats app and all such means which helped me to stay in touch with him.Every thing was a like a fairy tale. I used to compare my feeling to that feeling which heroine's usually experience in our movies to confirm if I'm in really in love. Every thing was going so beautiful. But then u guys know it very well life won't keep quite until it shows us some drama .
He got a job. He started working,,, started working so much that he had no time for pari. We started arguing. I started asking him if he really loves me or just acting because he was unable to spare some time from his whole 24hours.This was too much.I started taunting him saying that even India's president wouldn't be as busy as him.Talking to him for 5minutes became divine.......... I actually found that something was missing.But what??The actual reason for which I fell for that idiot was missing. And day after day every thing became a mess...

I guess this is the only thing which happens in all relationships.In the starting stages every thing seems wonderful but then...??
Were does that magic go..??
Even I don't have the answer.

Love is a limited offer.it's wonderful only for a limited period because after that period something else starts dominating love and those are "ego,compromises,arguments etc"....I have even watched a film with the same concept,It's a telugu film "orange ".At that time I thought the movie's concept was fake. But now I totally agree with it.

Just a single advice to all the singles there"better don't try to experiment with love,,guess why??
People say love never has ending this is only because most of the love stories are left incomplete.. "

I tried my best to suggest you hoping you would make a better choice unlike me. But after all it's your life, so it's your wish.
 
and always try to remember what taylor swift said..."
All love ever does is break,burn and end"

First smile of today

it's Weekend today. Which means double rest. So I woke up very late in the morning. Just sat on my bed and streched my body admiring myself for the love I have for sleep.As I turned left I saw my mobile waiting for me desperately. This is because more than half of my time in a day i spend with it. As I unlocked it I saw a new notification. I got a new mail.well mails r common. I usually get mails from advertising company. So I opened it very slowly. I found there some thing.. opened it. I saw there it was written that some one has commented on one of my post. I ws like "OMG!!"comment on my post. You guys might be wondering why this idiot girl is over reacting for a single comment we get many every day. But do you remember the feeling you got when you got the first reply for some random post on your blog. I have no idea how you felt but I felt so happy.
I have been writing since nearly 15-18 days. I have good page views but I was always worried dat do any one has time to read my posts? or do anyone atleast like whatever I'm writing. i even used to think to quit this as i started thinking that no one likes what i write.But then this one comment changed Every thing. Seriously what we all writers expect is readers. Readers who spare their time to read our posts understand them and connect with us. And.now I have decided  no matter how many people read my posts I'm gonna do this .if at all there is only one person reading my posts even that is ok atleast one person would be benifitted from my post. Reading my experiences which I post atleast one person would avoid those mistakes which I have done by making a better choice.and that is a big achivement for me.
   This one post in the morning became the reason of my first smile of today. Yeah...I do believe this the very moment you wake up from your bed...bring a big smile on to your face.. no reason is needed I guess for this smile and thank god for giving you a chance of experiencing this beautiful journey named "life "
I bet you if you follow this your whole day would be awesome. A small smile and prayer to your god in the mornin really gives you that positive energy required for that whole day. After all life's about small things which can bring big smile on your beautiful face.

   "Morning coffe listening to our favorite music, a lift from a stranger on our way to workplace,listening to those gossips from your friends and commenting on that dangerous face of boss, silent walk in the night while returning to your home knowing  that your family is waiting for you,
Last but not the least the family get together "dinner "...these are the only  happiness which we all dream "

Life's so short don't let go of a single reason to smile. I wonder why do we search for a reason to smile. We all  spend so much time infront of mirror trying to look good but we forget that we look the best only when we wear that smile on our face.so keep smiling and spreading your smile.... after all It's the only beautiful thing which is available for free these days..

Miss you "J'

"You used to call me your angel,
  Said I was sent straight down
   From heaven...,
   You would hold me close in your
    Arms,I loved the way it felt so strong...
I never wanted you to leave, I wanted you to stay here holding me..
I miss you
I miss your smile &
I still shed a tear every once in a while, &
Even though it's different now
Ua still here some how
My heart won't let you go &
I need you to know I miss you..

Dz song of miley cyrus touches my
Heart every time I hear it.it remembers me of my guy.
"J"...he was not just my love but for me he was my life.he made me feel like I was the luckiest girl on this planet. Every time I see him I heart would run even faster than a cheetah. He would make me feel butterflies in my stomach. He would take my breathe away even without trying. It was so beautiful. Sometimes I used feel my life like a fairy tale.a princess who had finally found her prince charming. We saw so many dreams together. I dreamed of spending my rest of life only with him. Not even a single day of mine would pass without hearing his voice. His happiness was my Only priority. I was so much in love with guy. I used feel like those Bollywood movies. Used to sit alone and smile like an idiot thinking about him. I saw a small dream. J and me together in this beautiful world forever and ever......
  But I had no idea that destiny has written something else in our hate. Not even in my wildest dreams I dreamnt that I would be loosing him one day.but then finally that day came I lost him. I lost him because of my stupidity. The feeling of this guiltiness is more than the feeling of him leaving me alone. I wish I had made a better choice then may be I would have been with him today.
Sometimes I feel like.. yeah,thanks God we broke up. Now I could live my own life and then sometimes I get this feeling that I could go back to those beautiful moments atleast once. I miss those beautiful moments more than how much I miss him.
God really plays with us. First introduces two strangers to each other,makes them friends, then close friends, then makes them fall in love with each other, and at last makes them strangers once again. But this time they became the strangers who knew every thing about each other... sad but true..
I wish I had never fallen in love with j atleast we would have been good friends. Now we are. Neither lovers nor friends..
So  in your life when you give your heart to some one make sure you give to person who won't break it.. if not you will live a life with a broken heart just like me...

I learnt that "love sometimes comes like a dream and leaves like a nightmare "

"Miss you my love.I wish you could give a second chance to our relation because without you I feel so alone and empty... "

My life..my choices

It's your life then why give some other a chance to live it??
        Well I never realised this. all through the last 3 years I have never lived my life on my own terms. It was him who was living two lives. One his own and at the same time mine too.I was so much emotionally dependent on him that I let him control my whole life.I was scared if I wouldn't let him do that he would leave Me Alone. All that would matter to me those days was his presence in my life no matter he scolded ,fought or yelled at me for small reasons. I would try to do my best to make him happy. But what about my happiness?? I used to believe that his happiness is my happiness. It actually was.but today every thing is changed.Only after our break up I realised that I have my own life. I have all the rights to take my own decisions after all i m the one who is going to experience the consequences.
before our break up my whole life used to revolve around him. I was like 'J ' is my life.my only duty is to put him happy may be I was trying to be the best girl friend. But now I realised that besides best girl friend I have to be a best daughter, best sister,best student and the most important "a best person ". I believe life is short. No one have any idea what the next moment brings. In that case live every moment as if it's your last moment. Life is so short. Why wait for chances???  Create your own chances.
Saddest summary of life contains 3 descriptions..'could have,should have and might have '... So take chances live your life on your own decisions so that when u get success you feel proud of your decisions and when you get failure you wouldn't blame anyone else..
    Life is a beautiful journey. Some sweet experiences some bitter experience. People go and come in to our life. What remains with y's forever are the memories. One bad experience and it doesn't mean that it's the end of your life. A new beginning can be made from any point in your life. After all "life goes on..."

life is so very unpredictable

this thruth.i have realised it very lately.i knew that life is unpredictable but i had no idea to what extent.1 year back me and 'j' where dreaming our future together but today we r out from each others life.i dont knew why god introduced me to the idea of love.made me taste it.i guess he wanted me to realize that no one in your life can love you or care for you as much as your parents.parents are those people who forget all there sorrows seeing a little smile on their child's face.it took a lot of time for me to realize this but i thank god that finally he had made me realize this.
  'j' and i were together for nearly 3 and half years.he was a dominating kind of guy.but ok i adjusted as we knew in a relationship some one have to adjust and compromise.i was the in our relation.things were going ok ok.every time we had a fight i was the first one to apologize because for him his ego was important and for me kur relation was important.and some day unknownigly i do some mistake and them every thing is finished.your apologizes mean nothing.in return j forgot everything i have done for him since the past 3 n half years and honour me with a title "bad person".isnt it great. you do some mistake unknowingly..you hurt some one but then you apologize  heartfully ,the person who is hurted by you decides to punish you for hurting them but in what way??? ts through their words.i mean no person in this world can be bad i believe this.mistakes are done by all.every one gets second chance.but i didnt get a second chance still i kept calm. but a single mistake has spoiled everything .one time i hurted him and he had forgotten all the times i had made him smile and given me a title "bad person"
 2014 actually taught me a new lesson.it taught me not to depend so much pn any1 emotionally.not to get attached to any one so much except your parents because at some point in life every one becomes selfish but its only parents who are always there for you no matter what.they are those people who can take a bullet through their heart if the matter is about your parents when i realized this thruth.i realized that i was lying to my parents for this guy who couldnt forgive my single mistake.damn, love and all such things happen onlyin movies in real life every thing is fake..
   paper people in paper world....!

D magic of love

Heard dz new song'manva laage '..from srk z new film 'happy new year '
Hz awesome.. and this song made me realise that he still has his magic of love on me even after 5 months of our break up..he was such a sweet heart.
Completed reading the novel "of course I love you " & believe it guys its just awesome. All the people their waiting for heart touching love stories should give this book a try for sure.
When I was in relationship with my boyfriend I had a habit of showing my love to him through my gifts. I gifted him so many gifts actually. as I love writing so much I had given him so many letters and even. A scrap book.
At the end of the novel I found out something .in the climax of the novel the girl has her boyfriend a book which has their whole story. Isn't it so cute and reading this even I got an idea dat I should also do something like this. I knew its been 5months we broke up but still we are friends he still talks to me Daily.and I knew deep inside he still. Has feelings for me.all I have to do is ignite those feelings once again.because all I want is only him I would try a 100 times if its to be with him.and if I fail the 100th time I'm even ready to try it a 101th time. Because day guy really means more than my life for me. Right now I'm away from him because of my stuides. I guess il be going to his place in January by d time the book of our story would be ready with me.
And I really wish that by that time he realises that I'm still in so much of love with him and I'm unable to move on in my life..
Fingers crossed
.hope for the best

My thoughts..

college...home...college..home...6th semester is so boring..may b in some days d campus recruitments vl b starting in our college & i have no idea what il b doing there. may be il screw them too like our semester exams....lol...exams were serious only till 12th after that i never cared for the exams.preparartions for exams usually starts the night before and we end up group studying and night outing. 2 mire semesters & il b done with rhis engineeri g but still my brain has the same blankness it has on d first day of my btech.
the best part of my btech is i found my love in 1st year and lost him in final year.i have cried more than required fpr that & sometimes this makes me think...jab bagwan ko mujhe usse juda karna hi tha tho use mere paas laaya hi kyu..jab ek din vo mujhse nafrath karne hi vaala tha mujhe mohbatt karna sikaaya hi kyu...
   these days i relaise bollywood movies have effected our lives so much.every time there comes a problem in my life my mind remembers me the famous dialogue of srk from om shanti om...humari zindagi mein b pictaro ki tarah last mein sab kuch teek hojaata hai...ayr agar nahi hua tho iska matlab hai picture abhi baaki hai mere dosth..i remember this and keep waiting for the climax of my pucture so that i will be finally relieved of the fucking problems...but damn it the ending never comes..
Earlier I never waited for my future.. but these days dunno why I have become so desperate.. I keep thinking that my life is a suspense thriller my an entertainment film like the one shanti om.. have no idea what my future will bring me.
But no matter what it brings I Hz pray God to help me face all d problem s without running away..after all life is to b lived not leaved...