Everything is changed...!!!

     She was a smiling girl
& he changed her to a girl who fakes her smile
    She was a dreamer
& he taught her not to dream again      
     She fell in love with love
& he made her regret falling in love
   She thought fairytales come true
& he proved her they are jus  stories
  She thought people come into our lives
  & He made her realize people come Only to leave us alone one day
    She thought life is beautiful
 & he showed her that life is full of errors,mistakes and regrets   ...!!!

DeFnItIoN oF lOvE

"LOVE"....four letters... one word.. yet so many emotions.

     Through out our whole life every one experiences it for sure...Each individual has his own definitions of love.well,this definition usually reflects our patner.Even I have my own definition.

"My definition of love is "the conversations which we have "

May be this is because I and 'J' were good friends but I never felt any such kind of feeling for him. After some days i  had to shift  to other city for my studies.. which led to 'J' and me talking on phone with each other.  when I used to hang out with this guy earlier every thing was normal but these conversations on phone,texting each other through out the day I guess all these played some magic on me and I fell in love with his words.. his conversations... his voice..and finally him. I knew some day we  won't be looking the same like we are now  ,we  might have wrinkels, we  might even loose some of our teeth,we might even loose our interest in sex,yet we can let our life go on with our conversations .

    I was in love with my mobile,internet,whats app and all such means which helped me to stay in touch with him.Every thing was a like a fairy tale. I used to compare my feeling to that feeling which heroine's usually experience in our movies to confirm if I'm in really in love. Every thing was going so beautiful. But then u guys know it very well life won't keep quite until it shows us some drama .
He got a job. He started working,,, started working so much that he had no time for pari. We started arguing. I started asking him if he really loves me or just acting because he was unable to spare some time from his whole 24hours.This was too much.I started taunting him saying that even India's president wouldn't be as busy as him.Talking to him for 5minutes became divine.......... I actually found that something was missing.But what??The actual reason for which I fell for that idiot was missing. And day after day every thing became a mess...

I guess this is the only thing which happens in all relationships.In the starting stages every thing seems wonderful but then...??
Were does that magic go..??
Even I don't have the answer.

Love is a limited offer.it's wonderful only for a limited period because after that period something else starts dominating love and those are "ego,compromises,arguments etc"....I have even watched a film with the same concept,It's a telugu film "orange ".At that time I thought the movie's concept was fake. But now I totally agree with it.

Just a single advice to all the singles there"better don't try to experiment with love,,guess why??
People say love never has ending this is only because most of the love stories are left incomplete.. "

I tried my best to suggest you hoping you would make a better choice unlike me. But after all it's your life, so it's your wish.
 
and always try to remember what taylor swift said..."
All love ever does is break,burn and end"

First smile of today

it's Weekend today. Which means double rest. So I woke up very late in the morning. Just sat on my bed and streched my body admiring myself for the love I have for sleep.As I turned left I saw my mobile waiting for me desperately. This is because more than half of my time in a day i spend with it. As I unlocked it I saw a new notification. I got a new mail.well mails r common. I usually get mails from advertising company. So I opened it very slowly. I found there some thing.. opened it. I saw there it was written that some one has commented on one of my post. I ws like "OMG!!"comment on my post. You guys might be wondering why this idiot girl is over reacting for a single comment we get many every day. But do you remember the feeling you got when you got the first reply for some random post on your blog. I have no idea how you felt but I felt so happy.
I have been writing since nearly 15-18 days. I have good page views but I was always worried dat do any one has time to read my posts? or do anyone atleast like whatever I'm writing. i even used to think to quit this as i started thinking that no one likes what i write.But then this one comment changed Every thing. Seriously what we all writers expect is readers. Readers who spare their time to read our posts understand them and connect with us. And.now I have decided  no matter how many people read my posts I'm gonna do this .if at all there is only one person reading my posts even that is ok atleast one person would be benifitted from my post. Reading my experiences which I post atleast one person would avoid those mistakes which I have done by making a better choice.and that is a big achivement for me.
   This one post in the morning became the reason of my first smile of today. Yeah...I do believe this the very moment you wake up from your bed...bring a big smile on to your face.. no reason is needed I guess for this smile and thank god for giving you a chance of experiencing this beautiful journey named "life "
I bet you if you follow this your whole day would be awesome. A small smile and prayer to your god in the mornin really gives you that positive energy required for that whole day. After all life's about small things which can bring big smile on your beautiful face.

   "Morning coffe listening to our favorite music, a lift from a stranger on our way to workplace,listening to those gossips from your friends and commenting on that dangerous face of boss, silent walk in the night while returning to your home knowing  that your family is waiting for you,
Last but not the least the family get together "dinner "...these are the only  happiness which we all dream "

Life's so short don't let go of a single reason to smile. I wonder why do we search for a reason to smile. We all  spend so much time infront of mirror trying to look good but we forget that we look the best only when we wear that smile on our face.so keep smiling and spreading your smile.... after all It's the only beautiful thing which is available for free these days..

Miss you "J'

"You used to call me your angel,
  Said I was sent straight down
   From heaven...,
   You would hold me close in your
    Arms,I loved the way it felt so strong...
I never wanted you to leave, I wanted you to stay here holding me..
I miss you
I miss your smile &
I still shed a tear every once in a while, &
Even though it's different now
Ua still here some how
My heart won't let you go &
I need you to know I miss you..

Dz song of miley cyrus touches my
Heart every time I hear it.it remembers me of my guy.
"J"...he was not just my love but for me he was my life.he made me feel like I was the luckiest girl on this planet. Every time I see him I heart would run even faster than a cheetah. He would make me feel butterflies in my stomach. He would take my breathe away even without trying. It was so beautiful. Sometimes I used feel my life like a fairy tale.a princess who had finally found her prince charming. We saw so many dreams together. I dreamed of spending my rest of life only with him. Not even a single day of mine would pass without hearing his voice. His happiness was my Only priority. I was so much in love with guy. I used feel like those Bollywood movies. Used to sit alone and smile like an idiot thinking about him. I saw a small dream. J and me together in this beautiful world forever and ever......
  But I had no idea that destiny has written something else in our hate. Not even in my wildest dreams I dreamnt that I would be loosing him one day.but then finally that day came I lost him. I lost him because of my stupidity. The feeling of this guiltiness is more than the feeling of him leaving me alone. I wish I had made a better choice then may be I would have been with him today.
Sometimes I feel like.. yeah,thanks God we broke up. Now I could live my own life and then sometimes I get this feeling that I could go back to those beautiful moments atleast once. I miss those beautiful moments more than how much I miss him.
God really plays with us. First introduces two strangers to each other,makes them friends, then close friends, then makes them fall in love with each other, and at last makes them strangers once again. But this time they became the strangers who knew every thing about each other... sad but true..
I wish I had never fallen in love with j atleast we would have been good friends. Now we are. Neither lovers nor friends..
So  in your life when you give your heart to some one make sure you give to person who won't break it.. if not you will live a life with a broken heart just like me...

I learnt that "love sometimes comes like a dream and leaves like a nightmare "

"Miss you my love.I wish you could give a second chance to our relation because without you I feel so alone and empty... "

My life..my choices

It's your life then why give some other a chance to live it??
        Well I never realised this. all through the last 3 years I have never lived my life on my own terms. It was him who was living two lives. One his own and at the same time mine too.I was so much emotionally dependent on him that I let him control my whole life.I was scared if I wouldn't let him do that he would leave Me Alone. All that would matter to me those days was his presence in my life no matter he scolded ,fought or yelled at me for small reasons. I would try to do my best to make him happy. But what about my happiness?? I used to believe that his happiness is my happiness. It actually was.but today every thing is changed.Only after our break up I realised that I have my own life. I have all the rights to take my own decisions after all i m the one who is going to experience the consequences.
before our break up my whole life used to revolve around him. I was like 'J ' is my life.my only duty is to put him happy may be I was trying to be the best girl friend. But now I realised that besides best girl friend I have to be a best daughter, best sister,best student and the most important "a best person ". I believe life is short. No one have any idea what the next moment brings. In that case live every moment as if it's your last moment. Life is so short. Why wait for chances???  Create your own chances.
Saddest summary of life contains 3 descriptions..'could have,should have and might have '... So take chances live your life on your own decisions so that when u get success you feel proud of your decisions and when you get failure you wouldn't blame anyone else..
    Life is a beautiful journey. Some sweet experiences some bitter experience. People go and come in to our life. What remains with y's forever are the memories. One bad experience and it doesn't mean that it's the end of your life. A new beginning can be made from any point in your life. After all "life goes on..."

life is so very unpredictable

this thruth.i have realised it very lately.i knew that life is unpredictable but i had no idea to what extent.1 year back me and 'j' where dreaming our future together but today we r out from each others life.i dont knew why god introduced me to the idea of love.made me taste it.i guess he wanted me to realize that no one in your life can love you or care for you as much as your parents.parents are those people who forget all there sorrows seeing a little smile on their child's face.it took a lot of time for me to realize this but i thank god that finally he had made me realize this.
  'j' and i were together for nearly 3 and half years.he was a dominating kind of guy.but ok i adjusted as we knew in a relationship some one have to adjust and compromise.i was the in our relation.things were going ok ok.every time we had a fight i was the first one to apologize because for him his ego was important and for me kur relation was important.and some day unknownigly i do some mistake and them every thing is finished.your apologizes mean nothing.in return j forgot everything i have done for him since the past 3 n half years and honour me with a title "bad person".isnt it great. you do some mistake unknowingly..you hurt some one but then you apologize  heartfully ,the person who is hurted by you decides to punish you for hurting them but in what way??? ts through their words.i mean no person in this world can be bad i believe this.mistakes are done by all.every one gets second chance.but i didnt get a second chance still i kept calm. but a single mistake has spoiled everything .one time i hurted him and he had forgotten all the times i had made him smile and given me a title "bad person"
 2014 actually taught me a new lesson.it taught me not to depend so much pn any1 emotionally.not to get attached to any one so much except your parents because at some point in life every one becomes selfish but its only parents who are always there for you no matter what.they are those people who can take a bullet through their heart if the matter is about your parents when i realized this thruth.i realized that i was lying to my parents for this guy who couldnt forgive my single mistake.damn, love and all such things happen onlyin movies in real life every thing is fake..
   paper people in paper world....!

D magic of love

Heard dz new song'manva laage '..from srk z new film 'happy new year '
Hz awesome.. and this song made me realise that he still has his magic of love on me even after 5 months of our break up..he was such a sweet heart.
Completed reading the novel "of course I love you " & believe it guys its just awesome. All the people their waiting for heart touching love stories should give this book a try for sure.
When I was in relationship with my boyfriend I had a habit of showing my love to him through my gifts. I gifted him so many gifts actually. as I love writing so much I had given him so many letters and even. A scrap book.
At the end of the novel I found out something .in the climax of the novel the girl has her boyfriend a book which has their whole story. Isn't it so cute and reading this even I got an idea dat I should also do something like this. I knew its been 5months we broke up but still we are friends he still talks to me Daily.and I knew deep inside he still. Has feelings for me.all I have to do is ignite those feelings once again.because all I want is only him I would try a 100 times if its to be with him.and if I fail the 100th time I'm even ready to try it a 101th time. Because day guy really means more than my life for me. Right now I'm away from him because of my stuides. I guess il be going to his place in January by d time the book of our story would be ready with me.
And I really wish that by that time he realises that I'm still in so much of love with him and I'm unable to move on in my life..
Fingers crossed
.hope for the best

My thoughts..

college...home...college..home...6th semester is so boring..may b in some days d campus recruitments vl b starting in our college & i have no idea what il b doing there. may be il screw them too like our semester exams....lol...exams were serious only till 12th after that i never cared for the exams.preparartions for exams usually starts the night before and we end up group studying and night outing. 2 mire semesters & il b done with rhis engineeri g but still my brain has the same blankness it has on d first day of my btech.
the best part of my btech is i found my love in 1st year and lost him in final year.i have cried more than required fpr that & sometimes this makes me think...jab bagwan ko mujhe usse juda karna hi tha tho use mere paas laaya hi kyu..jab ek din vo mujhse nafrath karne hi vaala tha mujhe mohbatt karna sikaaya hi kyu...
   these days i relaise bollywood movies have effected our lives so much.every time there comes a problem in my life my mind remembers me the famous dialogue of srk from om shanti om...humari zindagi mein b pictaro ki tarah last mein sab kuch teek hojaata hai...ayr agar nahi hua tho iska matlab hai picture abhi baaki hai mere dosth..i remember this and keep waiting for the climax of my pucture so that i will be finally relieved of the fucking problems...but damn it the ending never comes..
Earlier I never waited for my future.. but these days dunno why I have become so desperate.. I keep thinking that my life is a suspense thriller my an entertainment film like the one shanti om.. have no idea what my future will bring me.
But no matter what it brings I Hz pray God to help me face all d problem s without running away..after all life is to b lived not leaved...